Be Honest

We all have fears and insecurities, and sometimes we might feel too vulnerable in disclosing certain things, but in hiding truths within relationships, it can have a detrimental effect down the road when inevitably the leaks start to show through the cracks.  If you don’t want commitment, disclose it. If you suffer from any type of condition or addiction including recovery, you might well feel trepidation but in being honest, you are hiding nothing and allowing for honest communication and some level of understanding.  I’m not saying being honest is easy.  It can be downright scary.  Women can and do judge.  But if you are honest you are giving realistic expectations.  In hiding things, things can be scarier when they begin to leak out, for both parties.   As mature adults, we learn to accept and appreciate the truth, and if she doesn’t accept you, try not to lose sleep over it.  Maybe this lady was never compatible in the first place.  Work on improving yourself on a daily basis.  The right match will accept you for being you.

Communicate!

A big one.  So many of us have ended up leading separate lives due to a breakdown in communication.  Keep it alive by keeping it in mind and using it as a practice.  Instead of taking to your heels and withdrawing, use simple open direct methods.  Recall how much attention you gave her at the beginning and how good the relationship was.  Harness this and again be thoughtful.    She wants authenticity and to solve any problems as they arise with you.  Maybe you are familiar with the cave routine.  If you take off there though, she will be left in doubt to what is wrong, and perhaps start to fret.  If you need a minute, take it, but don’t leave it too long as usually the longer you leave it the more difficult it is to come out and face what you avoided in the first place.  Listen.  Sometimes she will just be venting and needs nothing but your ear, and perhaps a gentle word here and there, a bid of moral support. 

Men tend to be natural problem solvers and unless it’s something she is unable to mend on her own, you need do nothing but listen, and validate her.  “That sounds difficult.” It is enough to let her know that you recognize her struggle.  Once she quietens down, put your arms around her and pull her in, letting her know you’re there for her.   Physical communication is as effective as verbal and both have their place.  If there’s a situation where she’s discussing your relationship, try not to take anything personally, and become defensive.  It is likely that she is attempting to problem-solve, and you want to be paying attention and listening for the remedy, not creating more problems.   

Away from each other, while a text here and there is great to let her know your thinking of her (and trust me women love that), try to call more than you text.  Too many misunderstandings can be formed within text speak, and it’s more personal to call when possible.

Make Her Feel Secure

Women can sometimes feel insecure, and sometimes men have given them a reason to feel that way.    There is a great divide there.  She might develop trust issues if her man is acting secretive or odd.  It’s only human to react against such behaviors.  So, don’t be secretive.  Don’t hide your phone, nor put it on silent around her.  Take the lock off it so she knows she can access it.  In doing this, you are establishing trust and chances are she won’t even feel the need to ever look.  Don’t hang out with other females without your girl being comfortable with it.  Some couples even go as far as to not entertain friends of the opposite sex.   Always try to be honest and don’t hide anything.  If you have been invited out and it clashes with something your lady has proposed.  Talk about it.  Don’t hide, because the minute you begin to hide things is the minute she will become the intuitive sniffer-dog and then the problems that you want to avoid can arise.

Make Her Laugh

So many women love a man with a sense of humor, and a man that is light-hearted and can laugh at himself.  Women love jokes, sarcasm, and wit.  Don’t be afraid to unleash your inner jester.  Tease her playfully, remembering to laugh with her, not at her.  If you feel being the jester isn’t your forte, find some of the best comedy movie reviews and look up some comedians.  Laughter is the best medicine after all.   Above all, be confident in yourself and your approach.  Whether you are the playful jester, the movie buff, or the smart ass in fluent although not bitter sarcasm.

Be Trustworthy

Trust is vital in any type of close relationship, but more so in romantic ones.  Be trustworthy.  It’s a fundamental aspect of any healthy foundation within a relationship.  We are all afraid of being hurt and most of us have had our trust broken before.  Real trust takes time to form, and it’s silly to break it, and it’s so fragile a thing, that once it is broken, it can be so difficult to repair.  Ways to maintain trust include honesty, communication, fidelity, and connection.  No lame excuses.  Once trust is broken, it can be impossible to reinstate a relationship back to its previous state. Simply put, don’t break it.  If it does reach a point where you make a mistake and you sense something amiss, work to rebuild as soon as possible.  Keep your word, be reliable and do what you say you will do. 

Be A Gentleman

Chivalry is not dead, and the question of it being required is answered affirmatively. Yes, be chivalrous!  A woman’s inner Princess will be grateful, and moral conduct is important.  Hold open the door, pull back the chair, put an umbrella up when raining.  Ladies love Gentlemen, and they love when you are being protective and considerate.  Make sure she is safe and feels protected, and that you are on her side in this world.  It’s a mans need to protect and provide and these needs can be met by being chivalrous.

Be Present

You know that compulsion you might feel to fuddle with your phone or that mundane conversation you need to have with your work colleague.  That isn’t a priority, regard her above all else in these moments of togetherness, and you being there with her completely, in the moment is all important.  Unless it’s urgent, you should be happy to forget about the outside world completely while you spend time with your lady in your unique romantic bubble. Be open to her, and be open with her.  Allow for that crucial emotional bonding to take place.  Ask her how she is feeling, and If there’s anything she’d like to do.  If there’s anything you have in mind, bring it up.  Be adventurous.  You can be present anywhere, as long as you’re together. 

Make Her Feel Sexy

She is already sexually attractive, and you need to show her that you love that by showing her she is the Goddess, your one and only.  Compliment her, even when she’s wearing her pajamas, but especially when she’s wearing something that you do notice.  The little things are sometimes the big things.  Be appreciative.  If you feel it, say it.  Don’t let a day pass where your lady doesn’t know she is the center of your world.    Keep that spark alive by being flirtatious.  Remember how you felt when you first started dating?  Let her know that she’s still irresistible, beautiful, hot and you’ll bring out her inner Goddess.  If she feels sexy and wanted, it will lead to more intimate encounters.  Be thoughtful.  Show her affection when you’re out together.  The touch of your hand can go a long way in letting her know that you are there and that you need and want her. 

Be Confident

Being confident is attractive within itself.  It shows you know your place in the world, and are happy with your lot.  It can be shown by both verbal and body language.  Imagine you see a pretty woman, and you being confidently gazing over in her direction.  If she meets your look, and gives you a smile, you can take that as a green light to initiate a polite greeting and begin a conversation. 

Ask her opinion on a topic at hand.  Women love their opinions to be valued, and some take great pleasure in indulging themselves feeling that they are needed.  It’s a great ice-breaker, but be authentic.  Be yourself, and if you are asking her opinion, make it about something true and relevant to your life, that you would like to share and hear an opinion about.  You want a woman to love you, not a presentation of you that isn’t real.  Know who you are, what you want, and your energy will attract the woman you want.  Be comfortable in your own skin.    

Show Interest

If you are or have been the type of guy to play it cool, you might want to change your tactics.  Show your interest directly.  This will in turn pique hers, and make way for the two of you to begin to share an attraction.   Women are very familiar with guys who flirt with her lightly and then carry on with their day.  It’s likely that she doesn’t take this type of behavior too seriously, so if you have a serious interest in her, show it.  Avoid being vague and go for being direct, tell her you like her.  “Would you like to go out on a date with me?” and “Can I have your number so we can stay in touch?” work much better.  Be adventurous.  Scared?  Well, what’s the worst thing that could happen?  If she says no, at least you know, and what did you have to lose in the first place?  But if she says yes, she has directly shown you interest back and things are much more clear than pussy-footing around.

Surprise Her

Your lady wants to feel important to you and you planning a surprise for her communicates this clearly and precisely.  As soon as she is surprised, she knows she was on your mind and appreciates the thought and consideration behind it.  You are putting and effort into and making her happy.

A surprise doesn’t have to be huge in terms of expense.  You could plan a drive after work in pleasant weather, preparing a picnic or plan to eat at a tavern along a quiet coastal area or if you know her favorite colors and you see something unusual but beautiful, you could purchase it for her.  Knowing your lady is important in giving her something you know she will like, but also a strong element of surprise contains the unexpected, venture outside of what you know she likes and take the risk. She will absolutely adore it and treasure it forever because it came from the heart.

That Kiss

Remember that first kiss?  If you’ve ever heard of the band Hot Chocolate, you’ll remember the song It started With a Kiss.  It usually does.  It’s where chemistry begins and is felt.  Sometimes in long-term relationships, we can get lazy but not kissing often leads to a decrease in feelings, including those within sex and sensuality.  A deep kiss sends a highly intimate sensual message without needing to have sexual intimacy.  Kissing and hugging create oxytocin, the love hormone, crucial in bonding.  Never stop locking those lips.

Know your Dealbreakers

As previously mentioned, you need to be yourself.  This includes many of the themes already discussed.  Being honest is vital.  Do you know your deal breakers?  If you don’t, start now.  Write them down.  Write what you want, and what you know would kill the relationship.  It is important that you find the right match for you.  This can range from simple to complex. Some women hate soccer, and if you are an enthusiastic fan, maybe you would prefer her to accommodate your passion.  A big one can be having children.  If one partner is passionate about procreating and one isn’t, this issue can resurface time over and lead to dissatisfaction, and arguments.  Be willing to say no, if something vital is missing. Dance clubs or nature or both?  Your partner needs to align with you to some extent in terms of wants and needs, desires and passions, or it won’t work long-term. 

Your Role within Relationship – Alpha or Beta

Never attempt to make changes to your true personality for the reason of pleasing your partner.  You need to be your true self and if that you are an alpha male and a leader, show her who you are, likewise if you are more passive or submissive and you are more of a beta male.

This is about the power dynamics within a relationship and although it’s not anything clear-cut, it matters in terms of working dynamics so if you are strong-headed and your partner is also, or think in terms of fire and fire, there could be room for head clashes or explosions due to incompatibility.  Go into a relationship or court being exactly who you are.   Don’t hold back in fear of not impressing the other.  You really need to know the potential for a successful partnership. 

Don’t Settle for Less

It can be all too easy to settle for the wrong mate.  We all have needs, we all can feel lonely and need companionship but going into a relationship knowing what you want as opposed to blindly is just a recipe for disaster.  To settle down with someone requires compatibility.  What does your ideal woman consist of; her personality, her character, her values.  Does she have to like sports?  How about looks?   Are they important or does personality take precedence?  It might be helpful to think about what type of lady you would feel comfortable with years down the road.  Have a clear image of the kind of person that you are attracted to and want.

Love Yourself

Accept yourself in all your beautiful colors and connect with yourself, improving your life and self in many ways that you feel it needs.  Before you can love another truly, you need to love yourself.  If you see any problems that you could be carrying into a relationship, try to fix them.  Of course, there are things we can’t fix and that’s ok. No one is demanding perfection. If there is something you can change, that will benefit you and your own life, fix it.  This one is for you and about you. 

Focus less on winning the approval of others and learn to approve of yourself, building your own self-esteem.  Be grateful for what you have right now and work to build on top of that.  Work towards becoming the best man you can be, following your passion and healing yourself if that’s what you need.  Look up male forums on similar issues and find the good advice from those who are there and have been there and done the work.   

Give Without Expectation

Give freely, and without expectation, not in the hope that your giving entitles you to certain things.  There is nothing more unattractive and repelling in receiving a gift, knowing that there are certain strings attached.  That would not be a gift, that would be an exchange.  Giving can take many forms, from buying presents to investing time in creating something or adapting something in the home for your lady.  If she loves you, and she will love you more if you give freely, you can be sure that a good woman will return your efforts in giving you back special presents.  But it’s not about expectations, it’s about showing you care and that you love her. 

Appreciation and Gratitude

To be grateful and appreciative doesn’t consist of particular behaviors but perhaps more of an attitude or a lifestyle.   Being appreciative means not taking your partner for granted.  Everyone wants to feel loved and valued and if they feel taken for granted, they could tire fast.  Listen to your woman and you will learn her mind and heart and find good pointers to what she values in life. Don’t only tell her she is special to you but show her too.  A hug can hold a thousand words sometimes.   Just don’t take your relationship for granted.  If you don’t stay mindful about this, it can be easy to fall into that rut.

Overcome Your Fears

Being your authentic self is the best way to face all your fears, but it’s not always easy to leave yourself open and feeling vulnerable.  Most of us carry scars of some kind as well as fears and insecurity.  Look at your insecurity and see if you can find where it stems from.  If you can pinpoint it, you have something to work on as well as an awareness of it and what difficulties arise from it.  When you lose your fear of judgment, and the fear itself, its power disappears.  Fear of rejection and disappointment will lose power when you don’t take things personally.

If we all were made for each other, there would be no such thing as a dating game, but we are complex beings, and in knowing our true selves, we can see others complexities too, and not judge them so harshly, even if they are judging us.  Authenticity is, in itself a charm and extremely attractive to the opposite sex.   In the alchemy of love, become a student and aim for mastery, equipped with all you need to understand the human condition when it comes to relationships.  Look fear in the eyes, make friends with it, and it will lose its power overnight. 

 

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